When I graduated, there was still not enough money under her mattress to get us to
But as the summer wore on, it became clear that we were not going to have enough money to travel to
People laughed at us. The neighbors told her she was crazy to make these sacrifices for a boy who would never amount to anything anyway. My mother said nothing. She kept working and dreaming and saving. “Victory,” she said, “is certain if we have the courage to believe and the strength to run our own race.”
For more than a year my mother never wavered, even though my stepfather also doubted the wisdom of the move. Finally, the last pain-stained, sweat-soaked dollar was added to the pile. She turned her face to the north and freedom.
In a desperate effort to keep us in Arkansas City, my stepfather warned that we were traveling to disaster, that we were going to stand in unemployment lines that winter in the cold Chicago wind and freeze to death. Knowing how deeply my mother cared for my stepfather, I think this was one of the most courageous acts of her life: leaving the man she dearly loved, and embarking with me on this journey to a strange city. Her heart may have been broken, but she never hesitated as we climbed onto the train. She loved my stepfather, but she loved freedom and education more.
I was feverish8 with excitement, with fear, with hope. I was 15 years old. Nothing would ever be the same again.
My mother got work as a domestic in
My mother had managed with my help to buy some new furniture. I asked her to let me use it as collateral11 for the $500 loan. For the first time in all the years I’d known her, she hesitated. It had taken her a long time to pay for the furniture, and she didn’t intend to lose it. I begged and pleaded and she said finally, “I’ll just have to consult the Lord about this.”
Every day, for a almost a week, I’d come home and check with Mother to see if the Lord had said anything, and she’d say, “No. I’m still praying.” So we prayed together. Finally she said, “I think the Lord wants me to do it.”
The next year Negro Digest was a success, and I was able to do what I had dreamed of for years. I retired Mother and told her that she’d never have to work again.
The day I told her I was putting her on my personal pay-roll she cried, and I cried. And the feeling of release, the feeling of accomplishment—I don’t think I’ve ever had such a feeling, before or since.
From the day I was born to the day she died, we saw each other or talked to each other almost every day for 59 years. No matter where I was—in
When things got tough, I’d call my mother and she would say, “You can make it.”
One day in particular, in what was perhaps the worst week of my life, I said, “Mother, you know, it looks like I’m going to fail.”
“Son,” she said, “are you trying hard?”
“Yes.”
“Real hard?”
“Yes.”
“Well,” she said, closing the conversation, “whenever you’re trying hard, you’re never failing. The only failure is failing to try.”
She was a tough woman, physically and spiritually. Not a day passes that I don’t feed off the bread of her spirit.
Notes:
7. proxy n. 代理人 8. feverish a. 兴奋的 9. hurdle n. 障碍10. tangible a. 切实的11. collateral n. 担保品
