Einstein dies and goes to heaven.
"I'm terribly sorry," says St. Peter, "but your suite is not

" "Hold the lantern, Mike. Here it comes!" the doctor delivers the child and holds it up for the proud father to see.
　　"Mike, you're the proud father of a fine strapping boy." "Saints be praised, I..." Before Mike can finish the Doctor interrupts, "Wait a minute. Hold the lantern, Mike." Soon the doctor delivers the next child. "You've a f

　But the teacher cried
　　　The six-year-old John was terribly spoiled . His father knew it, but his grandma doted on him. He hardly left her side. And when he wanted anything, he either cried or threw a temper tantrum. Then came his first day of school, his first day away from his grandmother's loving arms.
　　When

　　a room, the clerk told him that the rates depend on room size and  number of people.
　　　 " Do you take children?" the man asked.
　　　 "No, sir," replied the clerk. "Only cash and credit cards."
　　    只算现金和信用卡
　　　 一个人打电话给一家汽车旅馆询问房租，旅馆的工作人员回答说 房租的多少取决于房间的大小和住客的人数。
　　　 “小孩儿算不算呢？”那人问

　　-- A maintenance man in a cemetery.
　　　他真是一个大人物
　　-- 我叔叔下面有1000个人。
　　-- 他真是一个大人物。干什么的？
　　-- 墓地守墓人。

　　"Certainly, sir," the shoemaker said.
"When will they be ready?" the man asked.
"I'm a bit busy, but they'll be ready for you on Thursday." he said.
That's fine," the man said, and left the shop.
The next morning he received a letter, offering him a job in another country. Within 24 hours he

　　The second mother went on, "My son is a bishop. When he enters a room, people say, 'Hello, Your Excellency'."
"My son is a cardinal." continued the next one. "When he enters a room, people say, 'Hello, Your Eminence'.
" The fourth mother thought for a moment. "My son is six-foot-ten and weighs 300 pounds, " she sai

理所当然
某学校发给学生的健康调查表里有个错别字——把“性别”的“性”字写成了“袜”字。一位母亲在为她的儿子填写表格时，在“袜别”的那栏填上了：“棕色为主。”
[注] 英语中sex（性）与sox（袜）只有一个字母之差。

Logic Reasoning
A fourth-grade teacher was giving her pupils a lesson in logic.
"Here is the situation," she said. "a man is standing up in a boat in the middle of a river, fishing. He loses his balance, falls in, and begins splashing and yelling for help. His wife hears the commotion, knows that he can'tm, and runs down to the

One Engine Left
A 747 was halfway across the Atlantic when the captain got on the loud speaker, "Attention, passengers. We have lost one of our engines, but we can certainly reach London with the three we have left. Unfortunately, we will arrive an hour late as a result."
Shortly thereafter, the passengers heard the captain's vo

Student:    I cannot point out but I know the answer.
Teacher:    Please tell us.
Student:    The swallow is beside the sparrow and the sparrow is beside the swallow.
两只鸟
老师： 这儿有两只鸟，一只是麻雀。谁能指出哪只是燕子，哪只是麻雀吗？
学生：我指不出，但我知道答案。
老师：请说说看。
学生：燕子旁边的就是麻雀，麻雀旁边的就是

一项新纪录
飞行员（着陆在树上之后）：我在试图创造一项新的纪录。
农夫：你已经做到了。你是第一个不用爬上树就从树上爬下来的人。

裁缝广告
We do not tear your clothing with machinery. We do it carefully by hand.
我们不使用机器撕毁您的衣服。我们会小心翼翼地用手撕。
(原意是要表达：我们不使用机器，以避免撕毁您的衣服。我们会用手工小心地修补衣服。)
家政广告
Tired of cleaning yourself? Let me do it.
厌倦自己洗澡了吗？让我来帮你洗吧。
(原意是要表达：厌倦自己打扫房间了吗？让我来帮你做吧。)
宠物广告
Dog for sale: eats anything and is fond of children.
出售

The new comer said it was a duck, not a pig.
"I was talking to the duck,not to you,"the drunkard replied.
酒鬼
在酒吧间，有一个酒鬼看见一个人腋下夹着一只鸭子走了进来，便问：“你和猪在一起干什么？”
新进来的人说是鸭子，而不是猪。
“我在和鸭子说话，不是和你说话。”酒鬼回答说。

Jack:When you catch a louse, just put a little of that drug on its mouth and it will die immediately.
一种新药
杰克:我发明了一种新药能有效地杀死虱子。
汤姆:太棒了。怎么用呢？
杰克:你捉到一只虱子，只要在它嘴上抹一点这种药，虱子就会死去。