On hearing the sound, her colleagues all turned around to watch her. The embarrassed girl had to pick up a magazine to cover the torn part of the skirt. But her colleagues all laughed seeing the magazine's cover page: Super Capacity Allowing 100,000 Users Simultaneously.
The girl switched to another magazine, which was for antivirus

A gentleman was invited for dinner. When he hurried there and sat down, he was happy to see a roast pig in front of his seat:"Not bad, I am next to the pig." But then he noticed the angry fat lady sitting next to him. He faked a smile and added: "Oh I am sorry, I meant the roasted one on the table."
一位先生去赴宴迟到了，匆忙入座后，发现自己的座位正对着乳猪，于是大为高兴的

A couple stopped talking to each other after a quarrel. However, the husband was worried about to catch up a meeting early next morning, so he wrote his wife a note:"Please wake me up at 7:00am." The next morning, he was upset to wake up at 8:00. Then he saw a note at his bedside:"Wake up you stupid! It's 7:20 now."
一对夫妇吵架了，谁也不和对方说话。 第二

On a snowstorm day, a college professor drove 75 kilos to teach only to find one audience in the classroom. Then, when he finished lecturing and was ready to leave, the person that has been sitting in the audience seat stopped him:"Don't go! I'm the next lecturer scheduled for this room."
在一个大风雪天，一位教授开车去75公里的大学去上课。他发现教室里只有一个人坐在那里，等了一回儿还

While taking photos of a bear eating fish in the forest, two journalists found the annoyed beast turned around to chase them. In running, one journalist said to the other:"Can't run any more! What should we do?" "No idea. But one of us will have his photo on the headline (tomorrow)." replied his colleague. 
两个记者在森林中拍摄熊吃鱼的镜头，忽然熊发现了他

"Since it has got so bad, I believe you need to know the truth now." Then the doctor asked the old man:
"Tell me, is there anyone you wish to see?"
The old man struggled to utter a word: "Yes!" And whispered:
"Would you please find me another doctor?"
一位病重的老人即將死去。
醫生認為已經不需要再隱瞞他的病情了，
便在巡房後來到老人的病床旁。
「你的病已經很嚴重了。」醫生告訴他

"Oh,...Don't worry! All you have to remember is not to smoke in the next few days!"
千万记得别抽烟
候診室裡坐著一位憂心忡忡的病人，當醫生傳喚他時，
他滿面愁容的說：「醫生，怎麼辦？我昨天誤喝下一瓶汽油！」
醫生回答他說：「喔..沒關係啦！記得這幾天不要抽煙！」

----But Mother, I do. I ride it down the hill, and he rides it up the hill.
别太自私
一位母亲在劝告她的儿子。
"听着，约翰，别太自私，让你的弟弟和你共用一辆自行车。"
"妈妈，我是让他。我先骑下坡，他再骑上坡。"

"What words do you know?"
"Your purse or your life!"
几个英语词
法庭上法官正审问一个抢劫犯，由于该犯是一个不会说英语的外国人，审问很困难。"你一点英语都不会说吗？"法官问。"我只会说几个词。"抢劫犯回答。
"你会说哪几个词？"
"你是要钱还是要命！"

A: Why?
B: I can always borrow money from friends.
钱和朋友
甲：你认为钱和朋友哪一个更重要？
乙：当然是朋友。
甲：为什么？
乙：我总可以从朋友那儿借到钱。

SHE'D RATHER BUY A GIFT
While on a trip, Mom realized that she had forgotten a present for Dad's birthday. "That's okay," he said, "The only thing I want is for you to love, honor and obey." Mom pondered that idea and then replied "I'd rather buy you a gift."
她宁愿买一件礼物
旅途中，妈妈想起她忘记给爸爸买一件生日礼物。"没关系，"他说，"我最想要的东西是你的爱、忠贞和温顺。"妈妈沉思片刻后回答

A man is so addicted to gambling that he often comes home late. His wife never stops railing at him. Once he is detained at his office and comes home late. His wife accuses him of gambling again but he swears he was detained in his office. "I pray to God that you are speaking the truth", his wife says.
"May God strike me dead if I am lying."

"How was your first day?" I asked.
"It was great, Dad," he replied. "I got to talk to some good-looking girls."
Since Stephen is not very talkative, I asked, "What did you say to them?"
"Do you prefer paper or plastic?"
业余工作
我儿子在一所中学读二年级时，在一家超级市场找到了一份包装商品的业余工作。他满面笑容地回到了家。

"Mom," he said excitely, "I have found the answer to surviving college! It isn't the grades that are so important, but the quality of what is learned and how it is applied to daily life. I'm lucky to be having these wonderful experiences!"
"And just what does this mean?" I asked.
"I'm flunking math," he replied.

Difference
"I can always tell a graduate class from an undergraduate class," observed the instructor in one of my graduate engineering courses at California State University in Los Angeles. "When I say, 'Good afternoon,' the undergraduates respond, 'Good afternoon." But the graduate students just write it down." 
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