Plagiarism
A friend of mine who teachs European history at Washington University in St. Louis tell about the time he spotted a plagiarized term paper. He summoned the student to his office. "This isn't your work." he said. "Someone typed it for you straight out of the encyclopedia.
"You cann't prove that!" the student

A student, after reading the notice, rubbed out the "c".
Later Professor Laurie came along, and entering into the spirit of the joke, rubbed out the "l".
班和笨驴
格拉斯哥的劳里教授在门上贴了这样一个通知：“劳里教授今天不见他的班级。”
　　一个学生读了通知后，擦掉了字母“c”(lass：姑娘)。
　　后来劳里教授来了，也想开开玩笑，他擦掉了字母“l”(ass：笨驴)。

"When I was first married, I was very happy. I'd come home from a hard day down at the shop, and my little dog would race around barking, and my wife would bring me my slippers. Now everything's changed. When I come home, my dog brings me my slippers, and my wife barks at me."
"I don't know what you're complaining about," said the

A Fine Match
One day a lady saw a mouse running across her kitchen floor. She was very afraid of mouse, so she ran out of the house, got into a bus and went to the shops. There she bought a mousetrap. The shopkeeper said to her, "Put some cheese in it and you will soon catch that mouse."
The lady went home with her mou

　　她满眼狐疑地看着我，然后摇了摇头。“他们怎么知道它们确实是孪生的呢？”
Twin Lobsters
Once I had achieved success as an entertainer, I wanted to impress my Mom. I brought her to Las Vegas for dinner at Caesar's Palace. Among other items, the menu listed "Twin Lobsters - $45."
"Why don't you order that, Mom?" I asked. "I kn

"I'm willing," said the other.
"I'll law you to the Supreme Court."
"I'll be there."
"And I'll law the hell!"
"My attorney will be there," was the calm reply.
老夫妻吵架
一对性情乖僻的老夫妻发生了争吵，一直闹到地方法官那里。败诉的一方以一种临战的姿态冲着对方嚷道：“我要到巡回法庭去告你。”
　　“愿意奉陪。”另一个说。
　　“我要到最高法院去告

　　晚上十一点，他们从电影院出来，钻进汽车，开始驾车回家。天很黑。这时，琼斯太太说：“看，比尔。一个女人在沿街狂奔，一个男人在后猛追不舍。你看到了吗？”
　　琼斯先生说：“是的，看到了。”他慢慢把车开近那女人，说道：“你需要帮忙吗？”
　　“不，谢谢，”女人答道，但她没有放慢速度，“我丈夫跟我在看完电影后，经常跑步回家，后到家的洗碗涮碟。”
A Family Rule
Mr. and Mrs. Jones very seldom go out in the evening, but last saturday, Mrs. Jones said to her husb

　　当我们驱车离开时，儿子挥手说：“再见，美奇。”
女儿挥着手说，“再见，美妮。”
　　丈夫也有气无力地挥了挥手，说道：“再见，美元。”
A Trip to Disney
On a trip to Disney World in Florida, my husband and I adn our two children devoted ourselves wholeheartedly to the wonders of this attraction. After three exhausting days, we headed for home.
As we drove away, o

　　吉米的画与众不同。因为他从来不在整张纸上作画。他只画一半的纸，而另一半他总空着。
　　“构思多么巧妙啊!”大家都说，“从来没有人这么做过。”
　　有一天，一个人买了吉米的画，然后问他：“请告诉我，吉米，你为什么总是在纸的下半部分画画，而不是在纸的上半部分？”
　　吉米说，“因为我个头小，够不着上面。”
 
That's Why
Jimmy started painting when he was three years old, and when he was five, he was already very good at

One day on his way to school Bill passed a fruit store. There was a sign in the window which said, "Apple-Six for five cents." An idea came to Bill and he went into the store.
"How much are the apples?" he asked the store.
"Six for five cents."
"But I don't want six apples."
"How many apples do you want?

Lucky Mother
A young mother believed that it was very wrong to waste any food when there were so many hungry people in the world. One evening, she was giving her small daughterher tea before putting her to bed. First she gave her a slice of fresh brown bread and butter, but the child said that she did not want it like that. She

妹妹
保育员：约翰尼，你难道不喜欢你的小妹妹吗？
　　约翰尼：那倒不是。她要是个男孩就好了。威利有了一个新生的小妹妹，现在他该认为我又在学他的样子了。

"Nothing, Mum," answered the son proundly, "instead, she asked me how much one plus two was, and I told her three."
我教老师
母亲问她年幼的儿子：“宝贝，今天老师教了你些什么？”
　　儿子骄傲地说：“什么都没教，妈妈。她反倒问我一加二等于几，我告诉她等于三。”

Her mother interrupted and said. "Julie, why do you want God to make Naples the capital of Italy?"
And Julie replyed, "Because that's what I put in my geography exam!"
睡前祷告词
朱莉叶在做睡前祷告。“上帝，求求你，”她说，“让那不勒斯成为意大利的首都吧。”
　　妈妈打断她的话说：“朱莉叶，为什么求上帝让那不勒斯成为意大利的首都呢？”
　　朱莉叶回答道：“因为我在地理考卷上是这样写的。”

Shortly afterwards Dad come in from the office, complaining of a headache.
"That's because it's empty," said his bright son. "You'd be all right if you had something in it."
模 仿
一个男孩放学回家时，觉得肚子痛。“来，坐下，吃点点心，”妈妈说，“你肚子痛是因为肚子是空的。吃点东西就会好的。”
　　一会儿，男孩的爸爸下班回家了，说是头痛。
　　“你头痛是因为你的脑袋是空的，”他那聪明